It's been One Year

Of course I knew this day, the anniversary of Mark's passing, would eventually come.  I wasn't sure how I would feel.  Would I be doing better?  Would I still be crying?

And the answer is yes to both.

  I feel like I've accomplished my goal (with God's help of course) keeping the house up, the pool - it's still looks pristine and blue, the vehicles - both the car and truck, learning the fence business with Rosanna and keeping it in the black and our crew working. So part of me is proud of myself and on the other hand, it's so hard because it doesn't mean anything without Mark.

Also - with ironic timing, my daughter and I have decided to close the fence business, and our last day of work was also on the anniversary date of his passing.  

We had a great last day - I was scared. I didn't know if I was going to cry all day or what.  But as it turned out I spent the WHOLE day with Rosanna.  Her husband was doing a tile job and the kids were at their other grandma's. 

 Rosanna wanted to honor Mark with a job, so she hustled up 4 posts for a guy named Matt.  It was the best way to spend the day.  Out in the sunshine, laughing and joking with Rosanna and Ramon.  It was a fairly easy job.  The worms and bugs coming out of the post holes - OH MY!.  That's was so funny.  And Rosanna throwing them at my feet, and then Roman throwing them at Rosanna.  I was proud of Rosanna and amazed at her sticking her hand back in that post hole with all those roaches!  (We had to clean the post holes out of the extra dirt and old wood to fit the new post in.) 

And you wondered why I want to quit the business!  hahaha! Actually that's not even on the list.

Angela wanted to honor Mark by having lunch together. We (my girls, Rex, and I) had lunch at Johnny Rockets. 

Afterwards we all went shopping at Charming Charlie's.  We bought earrings that match and Angela said we should do it again next year. 

After all Mark always bought us earrings. (Rosanna being so funny would get him buy her some and then ask me to buy her some more!  She always knew how to work the system.  hahaha!)

Then Rosanna, Serena and I went back to the house and did nothing, just relaxed and had a good time talking and laughing.

 You just know we would find something silly to do!

Rosanna left about 7:30 pm.  I asked if she was babysitting me - she said no.  She just had the time.  :-)

So, here's what I've been thinking.  Rosanna showed me a video about complaining, how God could not bless the people following Moses into the promise land because they were complaining (not trusting Him). So they circled around for 40 years.  I think my not be happy/grateful for my circumstances is complaining.  I'm not talking about complaining with my mouth.  I mean my heart.  I have to turn my heart into a grateful heart towards God regarding my circumstance.  Living without Mark, my life with working, doing Best Fence (or not) etc. etc.  Because this is the life that God gave me.  I need to be happy with it.  (I'm not talking about the grieving that's fine and it's okay with God to grieve.) 

   I still don't know where to go, or what to do with my life. The only thing is God has been telling me for a while is "trust".  That's it.  Trust him.  

So I'm off to enjoy some quilting now.
Linda