Wednesday, March 29, 2017

It's been One Year

Of course I knew this day, the anniversary of Mark's passing, would eventually come.  I wasn't sure how I would feel.  Would I be doing better?  Would I still be crying?

And the answer is yes to both.
  I feel like I've accomplished my goal (with God's help of course) keeping the house up, the pool - it's still looks pristine and blue, the vehicles - both the car and truck, learning the fence business with Rosanna and keeping it in the black and our crew working. So part of me is proud of myself and on the other hand, it's so hard because it doesn't mean anything without Mark.

Also - with ironic timing, my daughter and I have decided to close the fence business, and our last day of work was also on the anniversary date of his passing.  
We had a great last day - I was scared. I didn't know if I was going to cry all day or what.  But as it turned out I spent the WHOLE day with Rosanna.  Her husband was doing a tile job and the kids were at their other grandma's. 

 Rosanna wanted to honor Mark with a job, so she hustled up 4 posts for a guy named Matt.  It was the best way to spend the day.  Out in the sunshine, laughing and joking with Rosanna and Ramon.  It was a fairly easy job.  The worms and bugs coming out of the post holes - OH MY!.  That's was so funny.  And Rosanna throwing them at my feet, and then Roman throwing them at Rosanna.  I was proud of Rosanna and amazed at her sticking her hand back in that post hole with all those roaches!  (We had to clean the post holes out of the extra dirt and old wood to fit the new post in.) 

And you wondered why I want to quit the business!  hahaha! Actually that's not even on the list.

Angela wanted to honor Mark by having lunch together. We (my girls, Rex, and I) had lunch at Johnny Rockets. 
Afterwards we all went shopping at Charming Charlie's.  We bought earrings that match and Angela said we should do it again next year. 
After all Mark always bought us earrings. (Rosanna being so funny would get him buy her some and then ask me to buy her some more!  She always knew how to work the system.  hahaha!)

Then Rosanna, Serena and I went back to the house and did nothing, just relaxed and had a good time talking and laughing.
 You just know we would find something silly to do!
Rosanna left about 7:30 pm.  I asked if she was babysitting me - she said no.  She just had the time.  :-)

So, here's what I've been thinking.  Rosanna showed me a video about complaining, how God could not bless the people following Moses into the promise land because they were complaining (not trusting Him). So they circled around for 40 years.  I think my not be happy/grateful for my circumstances is complaining.  I'm not talking about complaining with my mouth.  I mean my heart.  I have to turn my heart into a grateful heart towards God regarding my circumstance.  Living without Mark, my life with working, doing Best Fence (or not) etc. etc.  Because this is the life that God gave me.  I need to be happy with it.  (I'm not talking about the grieving that's fine and it's okay with God to grieve.) 

   I still don't know where to go, or what to do with my life. The only thing is God has been telling me for a while is "trust".  That's it.  Trust him.  

So I'm off to enjoy some quilting now.
Linda


8 comments:

  1. You are doing so good!
    (((HUGS)))

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  2. Well done, Linda. You have a great attitude. One step at a time and be kind to yourself.:-) Sue

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  3. It will be 2 years in April that I lost my husband. I have finally sold our cattle and rented out the land. You are blessed to have daughters close. Both of my daughters live away in different states. I too try to be grateful for all I have, but often times it's hard. Now I'm working on praying for direction for my life. Married at 19 I've never been able to do what I want to do and now I don't know what that is. Hang in there, Linda. It just takes time and prayer.

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  4. You are an amazing person Linda! To take on the fencing business without Mark and do it for a year, and you always have a good and positive attitude! You have a good and sweet heart, and I know that God is so proud of you, and that Mark is busy in heaven to pass the time till you get there to be with him again! I'm sure part of your mission right now is just to be a good mom to your girls, and you are doing that! Big hugs to you my friend!!

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  5. You have done sew well Linda and its great you have had the support of your daughter,family and friends...
    Keep strong and the all the best wishes for your future plans
    Maria XXX

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  6. Oh, lovely Linda, you are such amazing lady. I cannot believe it has been a year since your beloved Mark passed away. I believe your Mark would be so proud of you and as for God....well He has you in the palm of His hand and walking with you each day....and I just know that He is immensely proud of you. I would imagine you have experienced the gamut of emotions this year...please be kind to yourself. Just know that I often think of you and your girls, and pray for you, from all the way down here. Take care, lovely Linda. Xx

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  7. Hi Linda, this has been such a beautiful read... You've done so much in the year... it's still early days, so continue to have faith, take care of your heart & soul, and spend time with your loved ones.
    Hugs xx

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  8. ((((((((((((((((((Linda)))))))))))))))))))) It's hard to have a grateful heart when you're grieving - and the Lord knows that - a year is NOT a very long time at all. I'm glad you waited that year though, before closing the business, you shouldn't make any drastic decisions that first year. I am praying for you sweetie, so glad you have such supportive family and friends. Big, big big hugs.

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